


housewarming visit

by phinnia



Series: All God's Children [11]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 10:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21492787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phinnia/pseuds/phinnia
Summary: "Yes, I know.  The Archangel Expletive Deleted for My Grandchildren's Ears Gabriel.  Tone the hubris down a little, dear."
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: All God's Children [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533431
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	housewarming visit

"Now, I want you to agree to a few things before I agree to take you to Tadfield for a visit." She says. She is spinning around in Her office chair, but Gabriel can feel Her eyes on him, even when She's not looking. They said human parents had eyes in the back of their heads. It was ineffably worse when your parent was God Herself. 

She turns around to face him. "First, no swearing in front of the children. Or at least, keep it down to a minimum."

He nods.

"Second. Respect their chosen genders. I mean that."

Gabriel nods again, a little slower. What is going on with those children?

"Third. This is Crowley and Aziraphale's home, and that means they get to set the rules." 

He grits his teeth. Awkwardly. And nods. 

"Fourth. I want you to apologize. To both of them. Together, or seperately, I don't care how you decide. But you will apologize. For everything, Gabriel."

"But Mother -"

"Did you hear what I said?" She looks coolly at Her immaculately manicured nails. She's using the pattern of a blue-and-gold nebula She particularly likes for them, one she'd discovered on her trip to Alpha Centauri. "Do you want your next corporation to be that of a bloodworm, Gabriel?"

He winces. "No, Mother. I do not. Fine. I'll ... I'll apologize."

"Good!" She jumps up out of her chair and snaps her fingers. 

They are on Earth, in front of a large house in a small town. There are two ... automobiles? ... in front, the older one that Crowley's always been seen driving, and a newer, larger dark green one with tartan interior. There are large toys all over the front lawn, ones that look like smaller versions of the automobiles. There are awkward children's drawings in the windows of the house. 

The sun is coming out from behind the clouds. It's a cool day. Gabriel shivers a little in the wind.

"You might want to change out of that suit." Mum says as they walk past the cars. She's wearing jeans, a pink sweatshirt that says 'Galaxy's Best Grandmum' in gold letters, and pink trainers. 

"Why?"

"Gets a bit messy." She presses a button.

"Can't we just go in?"

"Gabriel." She looks at him. "It's a private residence. It's polite to knock, or ring the bell first. How did you completely forget all this?"

"I just figured ... well, I was ..."

"Yes, I know." She sighs. "The Archangel Expletive Deleted For My Grandchildren's Ears Gabriel. Tone the hubris down a little, dear."

He sighs, snaps his fingers, and changes into a white polo shirt and pressed jeans.

"That's a better clothing choice." 

He hears _screaming_ from inside.

"Demon dad is going to get you and drown you in the bubbles!" 

"No!" the child shrieks.

Gabriel goes to open the door. Mother puts her hand over his. 

"But Mother -"

"Gabriel." Her eyes are suppressing mirth. "It's a game. They're having a hilarious time." 

The door eventually opens. "Mum!" Crowley is holding a small, giggling blonde female child upside down by one hand. He sees Gabriel and looks disappointed. "Oh, it's _you_."

"I'm sorry." Gabriel blurts. "I really am. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I forced you to Fall. I didn't ... I didn't understand. The questions. I didn't understand what was going on, what was meant to go on. I'm very, very sorry." 

Crowley pulls the child the right way up. She wraps her arms around him firmly and buries her face in his shoulder, hiding her face in her hair. Gabriel notices just then that the child is wearing absolutely no clothing.

"Okay." He nods. "You can come in. Take your shoes off at the door, though."

"All right, Eve! Still bath time!" Crowley says.

"Demon dad! Demon dad 'gain!" The little girl shouts. 

"All right, all right, more demon dad, I suppose we can do demon dad _again._" He sets her down on the floor. "All right, run, before demon dad gets you!"

She runs off, and Crowley turns into a snake and chases her.

"Where are the others?" Mother shouts. 

"Walked to the ssssstore with Aziraphale." Crowley shouts from further back in the dwelling. "They'll be back ssssoon." 

"Does the child not like me?" Gabriel asks his mother. 

"She's _shy_, Gabriel." His mother says with a sigh. "She's never seen you before. Give her a little time."

There is a lot of splashing, and then Crowley comes out with the little girl again. This time, he is carrying her, and she is wrapped in a pink fluffy towel with a hood on it. There are little horns on the hood of the towel. He sets her on the floor.

"Okay, Eve, do you want to wear the pink dress, or the red one?" Crowley says, holding two dresses out.

"Pink!"

"Good choice. Of course, they're both tartan, so they're both terrible, but you are just like your father, so I guess some things just can't be helped." He snaps his fingers, and the red one disappears. 

"Me put on."

"I never expected anything else." Crowley sighs. "Try not to get your feet stuck in the arm holes again." 

"How's the swearing going?" Mum asks Crowley. 

Crowley rolls his eyes. "Oh, You know how it is. Every day, another fu - er, fornicating hill." 

She smiles. "Has Terry stopped saying that word yet?"

"No." He gently guides Eve's foot out of the neck opening. "Now they've started saying it in front of other people, not just people we know, and a lot of single people look at us like we're monsters, and a lot of parents look at us like 'oh, she's at that stage'." 

"All done!" Eve says, popping her head through the neck. 

"Good job! You want dad to do the zipper up?"

"No, Gramma." She goes over and climbs up on God's lap. "Brush my hair, Gramma. Make a pony."

"Of course, Eve, sweetest." 

Crowley just lies on the floor, extremely still.

"I am not actually trying to be terrible at this hosting thing." he says to the ceiling. "It's just that I've been awake since six this morning when Terry came in and jumped on my stomach and it's getting very very cold out and I'm starting to molt and I am _dead tired_, so you'll either have to get yourself something, or wait until 'Ziraphale gets home."

It took Gabriel a moment to figure out what he was speaking about, and that he was in fact, speaking to him.

"Oh! No. No, I don't need anything. I'm all right."

"We're back!" 

Two more children run in. They both have red hair - one has bouncy red curls like Samshiel used to, and the other has straight red hair in a shorter cut. The one with the shorter cut flings ... himself? herself? ... on Crowley's stomach. That one is wearing tight-fitting black pants and a purple long-sleeved shirt with a unicorn on it. The one with the bouncy curls flings himself on Crowley's legs. He is wearing a green long-sleeved shirt and brown coveralls.

Then they see Gabriel. 

"Who you?" The one with the shorter haircut says, getting up. "You gots pretty eyes. Like my shirt. Purple."

"Uh ... I'm Gabriel." He says. This child is vaguely disconcerting. Although the other one has those strange serpent eyes that have always disturbed him more than a little bit about Crowley. 

"Tha's our doggy." The child says, determined. She pokes him in the knee.

"That's my name, too." He says.

"Oh!" And the child, whatever gender the child is, he still doesn't know, smiles. "Okay. Play tea party wif me."

"But I don't really want any tea -"

"WANNA PLAY TEA PARTY!"

"All right, all right!" He's a little spooked by the child now. "We'll ... play tea party." 

Playing tea party involves going into a separate room and sitting in a very small pink chair around a very small pink table. There are two beds in the room. One side has stars on the ceiling, and unicorns, and is painted purple and blue. The other side is all pink. 

"You gotta wear tea party hat." The child says.

"All right." Gabriel puts the hat on. It has ribbons draping down over the front. The child puts on a black fedora hat which falls down a little over their hair. 

"One lump or two?" The child sits down on one of the other chairs.

"Uh ... two." Gabriel says.

He hears a familiar chuckle. "They've got you playing tea party, I see." Aziraphale comes over from the doorway. "I'm quite surprised that Crowley let you in."

"I got daddy's hat, papa." 

"I see that, Terry." Aziraphale puts his hand on the child's shoulder. "It looks very fetching on you."

"I'm sorry." Gabriel says abruptly, because he can't think of a good way to bring it up.

Aziraphale raises an eyebrow.

"For lying. For ... being a scheming bastard. For trying to kill you. For everything I did to you and Crowley."

Aziraphale smiles, very slightly. "Was it fun cleaning out Her filing cabinets?"

"It was _terrible_." Gabriel says fervently. 

Aziraphale laughs. 

There is a long silence.

"What's it like?" Gabriel asks quietly.

"What's what like?" 

"Being in love with him."

Aziraphale smiles slightly. "It's the same all the time, and it's new every day. But sometimes it's ridiculous things like miracling stains off each other's clothing or getting up with the children to let the other sleep or clearing crayon marks off the walls. And sometimes it's remembering to put the kettle on before the other comes home at night. And sometimes it's all hearts and flowers. Well, not flowers, he likes non-flowering plants. That sort of thing. It's ... it's ineffable, love."

Terry pokes Gabriel from across the table. "Drink you fuck tea."

Aziraphale scowls. "Terry, your daddy and I have asked you so many times not to say that word! Please do not say that word, anymore!"

Gabriel chokes with laughter and drinks his imaginary tea from his tiny pink teacup.


End file.
